So sad...

Have been at practice till 6 or later everyday this week and then I get home and still have a crap load of homework to do, and I can't fit blogging in there too.. sorry. Nobody really reads this though... so I don't really know who I'm talking to..
Anyway.. Today I found out that my choir director just got accepted into some college something to get his doctorate. He has probably been the most influential person in my choir/singing career. I always felt so comfortable with him and most of my best memories of Freshman year were with him and the other two super fish. It's going to be tough these last few weeks, and I can almost guarentee that every class period from now to the end of the year will be very emotional. :( I'll probably cry on a few of those days.. It's a good change, it's just... hard to take in and get used to. NOBODY, and I mean NOBODY could ever even compete with his super awesomeness and I could probably go on forever sharing some of my favorites stories and just attempting to explain how amazing he is.. I will always remember him.. Forever and ever amen.
That's all that was really important to me today....
Big Choir Performance tomorrow night... Pretty excited/scared/sad
Well... that is all I guess. Goodnight Bloggers!

Oh by the way.. I picked a picture of a very distressed Sam because obviously I am not the best at the moment and my director liked Lord of the Rings.

Mondays

Ugh... Mondays. :( I had a good weekend though. (: Friday- Gym and Sleepover with my best friend. During the sleepover we watched tons of movies and ate the perfect comfort food, ice cream, Ding-Dongs, Twinkies, and Peanut butter cups. It was great. Saturday- Baseball game with father Sunday- (Mother's Day) Went out to the lake and ate out at a restaurant.
My weekend was the best. Today however... I will say that the school part of my day was pretty great. Afterwords however... BLEH! Let's just say Bob and a friend of mine talked the whole time about stuff I didn't know about and therefore couldn't talk about. I swear, sometimes it feels like she likes him. That would suck! Especially because they'll both be in at least one of my classes together.. with me. Ugh! If they got together, I would die. I already know that Jane (girl he went to some thing with Friday) likes him. It's obvious. So Much for getting hooked up.. "You guys would be so cute!" Ha! What happened to that?
I have decided that I am going to try not to care anymore.. what's the point? I should just come to terms with the fact that I've never had a boyfriend and I never will. High School is amazing...
Song that I can't get out of my head: You're not Sorry by Taylor Swift. It's such a beautiful song. I love it. She always finds a way to touch on everything that happens in the average high school girl's (and sometimes boy's) life. Genius!
Oh! and here's a few quotes that I found: Ask me why I keep on loving you when it's clear that you don't feel the same way for me... the problem is that as much as I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you. ~Author Unknown

AND!!!

When you talk to me, don't be surprised if I don't look in your eyes. It isn't because I don't want to look in them, it is because I don't want you to look into mine-because then you would see how much pain I really am in. You would know that I still love you, and that there isn't anyone else I want to be with. You will know how extremely weak I am when it comes to my feelings, and that I'm not all that strong. That's why I won't look at you when you talk to me.

AND FINALLY!!

(I tried to find it but I couldn't but it went something like...) If you could only see how much pain you have put me through, you would never be able to look me in the eyes again.

Beyond Repair?

I haven't posted anything in forever and I'll go with the "school has been really busy" excuse. Had I posted something Monday or Tuesday I would have said that you've missed a bunch.. but really nothing of importance has happened now.

I have gone from being close friends with Bob (I think that's what I was calling him) to acquaintances. Really if I think about though.. we have always been just acquaintances. I was only fooling myself when I thought we were good friends. Sure I would text him and he would text me, but does texting really mean anything? I prefer phone calls and not once has he mentioned talking on the phone. I hint at it all of the time but I guess it's not clear enough..
Another reason why I have come to the conclusion we were never close is the speed at which he has befriended some of my closest friends. I have known this guy since October, I see and talk to him daily, and I like him (I did end up telling him btw and that's not the reason we've drifted..) and then he meets my friends and they just hit it off. He has known them for maybe 2 weeks and is already closer to them than he is to me. It's so frustrating!
I know that he is closer to at least one of them because just yesterday before practice I walk in and they are talking about something I have been trying to talk to him about for MONTHS. Then I ask her later what they were discussing and she says, "I can't really talk about it... It's kind of a secret between Keith and I.. sorry." Seriously?! I know what they were talking about! He was talking about his crazy Ex, I'm not stupid. This whole situation is ridiculous.
The only reason she is talking to him is because she claims that "Keith and I would be so cute!" and that is going to get us together. I didn't ask her to do this, and she doesn't even know that I like him. I'm probably just over-reacting, but it's hard to imagine that she is going to actually do it. I worry that she is going to get him to like her and they'll get together. It wouldn't be this first time she has liked the same guy as me... If that does end up happening.. I don't know what I'll do. Actually, I know that I wouldn't be able to deal with that well at all.. He's just... Bob is amazing. He's athletic, musical, smart, funny, kind, and just about everything else I had hoped to find in high school.
Really though.. who was I kidding? When have I ever had a guy friend that lasted? Never. Something always happens to mess it up. I've never had a boyfriend and sometimes, like right now, it feels like I never will. Yet whenever I talk to someone about that the usual response is:
"Oh you'll find someone and whoever that ends up being is really lucky. You have tons of qualities that guys look for and you're too pretty not to have a boyfriend." (Not my words, Promise.)
It's like nobody get what I'm going through and yet I know that someone must be able to understand because I know I am not the only girl to go through something like this. In my family though, all of the girls have tons of guy friends and have never had trouble finding a guy.
I probably sound really whiny, but honestly right now I could care less. The only reason I'm blogging this is because it would hurt my hand too much to right it all down right now. I really needed to vent and seeing as the majority of my friends are involved in this I haven't had anyone to talk to.

I'm going to go and read a bunch of quotes and listen to more music. Here's to my suck-ish day...