Sunday, November 28, 2010

Gobble Gobble Birthday

Happy Belated Thanksgiving Bloggers and People who just Read!

I have been out of town for the past week or so and I decided that I would rather spend time with family I don't get to see very often instead of blog. Sorry..
However.. I think that this was a very successful Thanksgiving/Birthday. (: Yes ladies and gents, I turned 16 last week. Whoop!! Of course I feel or look no different.. but I can drive soon so that's pretty awesome.

Me before and after Thanksgiving/Birthday:

Yeah... exaggerating? Maybe.. :P
Well I hope you had a great Thanksgiving break and you stuffed your face with plenty of turkey and dressing and cranberry sauce. (: See you all tomorrow! I have a timed writing to prepare for... ew.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

A Drop in the Bucket

Today I took a step back and looked at my life so far. (if you've never done this I recommend it.) Here I am.. I'll be 16 tomorrow and what have accomplished? What am I going to do after high-school.. And then after college?
The plan I had up until today was finish top of my class, go to college, graduate and become successful, get married, be a parent, et cetera. But how will I make a difference? What will I spend this oxygen I'm breathing on? Everything that I have listed is great to accomplish.. But it's so easy to get lost in it all.
I am already bored of the routines. You know what I'm talking about. Wake up around the same time, get ready for school, spend 7 hours memorizing and spiting out information, come home, do homework, spend a little time relaxing, sleep and repeat 5 times a week, 9 months a year for 12 or more years of our life. I ready to spice it up a bit. I am ready to have something to do all of this for.
I have always wanted to be apart of thing that are bigger than myself, and that has greatly influenced the choices I have made in the past few days. Every epidemic, every problem, every cause, you name and I want to help. Most of the time however, I have been unable or I just don't know how. Well I think I know now.
So as of today here is the plan:
After high-school I want to go on to college and then proceed to medical school. Yes ladies and gentleman, I want to be a doctor. (Don't ask me what kind, because I haven't decided.)
Then after getting my degree and the job of course, (I haven't quite worked out the specifics..and I don't know how it will all work out..) I want to volunteer 2 years of life.. At least.. To the Peace Corp. I want to help. Whatever happens during or after that.. Well it happens.
I'm just so excited about life right now and the fact that just the mere thought of helping people in my life gives me such pleasure makes me think that I'm making the right choice.. That this is what I should do with my life.
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Thursday, November 18, 2010

In Desperate Need of a Sorting Hat!

So I guess the Harry Potter movie premiere tonight (tomorrow morning) has influenced my Pre-Sleep thoughts. I can't help but wonder what house I would be in... or if I would even go to Hogwarts.. Would I have been a muggle? a pure breed? half muggle? or something even more bizarre like a Vella..? I wish I could find out somehow but so far the quizzes I have taken online have either been extremely stupid or my results come back tied. What I mean is that I answer and my result is 35% Slytherin, 35% Gryffindor, and 30% Ravenclaw. (Depending on the quiz, Ravenclaw takes the place of Slytherin or Gryffindor)
So that doesn't answer anything. Darn. I guess I shall never truly know.
By the way.. I am sooo excited about this new movie! Whoop! Can't believe it's finally out. (:

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

And So It Goes

Oh Bob. :/

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
As if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

-Billy Joel BlogBooster-The most productive way for mobile blogging. BlogBooster is a multi-service blog editor for iPhone, Android, WebOs and your desktop

Tuesday, November 9, 2010


smiling faces,
warmth and belonging,
support with no limitations,
that's Home.

cold walls that hide me,
hard floors holding me down,
absent of life,
a House.

tired of words,
of justifications,
let's just go back,
take me Home.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Wishing for Rain..

To set the mood
Of despair and anguish.
Wishing for Thunder
To conceal my screams.
Wishing for Understanding.
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Sunday, November 7, 2010

Halfway to 100

Yay.. 50th post... I wish that I could celebrate, but I'm afraid I am way to frustrated and upset for that. I can't be mad though because it isn't anyone's fault but my own.
I shouldn't have let it get this far.. I shouldn't care. The thing is.. I did and I do.

"It started out with a feeling,
which then grew into a hope,
which then turned into a quite thought,
which then turned into a quiet word...
And then that word grew louder,
and louder,
till it was a battle cry..."

That was me last year with Bob. If you remember (I could never forget).. it started just like the song above starts. I started to feel differently around him.. then I started hope that something happened between us.. then I started to think about us.. I got to the point where I could admit that I liked him to myself.. then to my friends until finally I told him.
Obviously though that didn't work at all.. he's too busy dating girls that don't even go to our school to notice me.. I'm just the good friend. I got so frustrated with the whole situation that I completely gave up on the friendship as a whole.
Gradually though, I got over him, and I got used to us just being friends. I came back when he needed me.

"I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye."

Of course the moment I'm over it he asks if I would be interested in just going on a date with him. I wouldn't be his girlfriend, we would just go to them movies and see what happens.
(Never happened)
Well, I didn't really care and so we became best friends more or less.

"Just because everything's changing
doesn't mean it's never
been this way before.
All you can do is try to know
who your friends are
as you head off to the war."

Then I found out that I was moving and he was there, along with all of my other friends, to help me. Besides the move there was the whole Jordan event. I lost one "friend" but gained better ones that have all been great this past month.

"You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say goodbye."

(I will be visiting this summer)

"Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget.
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Till they're before your eyes"

I started liking him again... It was a stupid thing to do, but I couldn't control it. I tried to stop, to tell my heart to stop, but I continued to gradually like him all over again. Nothing would have happened.. because I'm moving.. so why even bother. Deep down I'm starting to think that I'm a masochistic and I just enjoy putting myself through pain. Why else would I let myself do this?
What's killing me now is that he's dating yet another girl that doesn't go to our school and not only that but she was one of my closest friends..
There are just so many questions running chaotically through my head..
Why her? How did this happen? Why do I even like him? What's wrong with me? What does she have that I don't?
It's that last one that I think about the most..
I love her but I am a better singer, I do better in school, I see him more, I talk to him more.. but then.. she may be prettier, she's a better dancer, she may be nicer, she may need him more, I may be too controlling, I may not be popular enough, I'm not athletic enough....
She was loved by everyone and on the dance team and I am just a choir nerd. That's why.
I'm am and will forever be the friend.
And no matter how much I say I hate him.. If he ever called me.. I would come running back every time..

"You'll come back
When they call you
no need to say goodbye."

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Smelling like Him

Okay so the day it finally starts getting chilly, I forget my coat. It's raining and cold and I'm wear a T-shirt... Yeah I'm a genius.
I was cold all day long and by 7th period I was practically an icicle. Bob walks up to me like he always does, gave me a hug (cause I was really needed one), and asks how I'm doing, which again is the usual procedure. Well, naturally I told him I was freezing and that I didn't think it would be this cold yet. Then he did something that surprised me... He insisted that I take his jacket and when I asked about him being cold (wearing a T-shirt as well) he said "it's okay, I'm naturally warm blooded."
So I wore his jacket all class period.. And I was warm for the first time since this morning.
Well, when class was over I had to give him his jacket back. Then, he said thanks, I went to tutoring in blue and he went to red.
Have a guy offer you his jacket... Check. (: BlogBooster-The most productive way for mobile blogging. BlogBooster is a multi-service blog editor for iPhone, Android, WebOs and your desktop