The Monster that eats my Sweaters

I really wish I had a sweater..

So I'm sitting on the concrete hill thingy by what is basically a ditch and it's pretty chilly outside. I will admit that wearing the black tank top because it makes me look like a bad ___ wasn't one of my more brilliant ideas.
I'm kind of POed right now because my family has turned into a bunch of maniacs and I'm sick of being the scapegoat/Cinderella. All of there crap is pretty much why I just left the house and am now sitting outside in the wind. I personally think that sitting here freezing my butt off is better than the alternative of sitting at home listening to chaos. Plus semi running away for a bit adds to the whole 'everything is my fault' bit. I'll probably go home in a bit and they won't even know I left.
I wish my friends weren't busy, but the fresh Air can be my friend for the time being I guess.
Ugh stupid sweater eating closest monster.

Belated Concert Time

I am writing today a lot earlier than I usually to because I have a choir concert tonight, and when I get back I have a bunch of homework to do.

I'll start with the not so happy news, moving. I almost did not have any moving news today, but I decided to tell my English/History teachers about it. Not fun. I almost did it without crying, but one of the girls in my class overheard me and decided to give me a hug and that's when the tears started. The girl who usually cries in that class made me cry. Kind of ironic.
Anywho, I learned that the subjects we are covering now are flipped from what regular classes are learning. That is good because I will beast the lessons in Oklahoma, but bad because I'll have to learn the other material on my on. Luckily for me my teachers post almost everything you need online and they have blogs where the students and teachers can interact, so I have decided to learn vicariously through the Internet. That should be interesting. Haha we shall see..

1 Day and 4 Hours Later....

Okay, so when I was originally typing up this blog on my phone I was at school waiting for my mother to pick me up. Well, my mother arrived sooner than I thought she would and when I got home I had to get ready for the Fall Concert. After the Fall Concert, which was pretty amazing for a Fall Concert (I sang 11 songs all together and for 2 of the pieces we received standing ovations!), I was starving so my mother and I went to Taco Bell. I ordered a Mexican Pizza (that tasted like a cardboard box) and two tacos (amazing), just in case you were wondering. The concert was over at 8:30 and I didn't get home until around 10. Well.. it takes me about 30 minutes to eat, and other 30 minutes to shower and all of that good stuff, so I really had no chance to finish up this blog. However, I did have time to finish it up now. The only thing is that because it is 11pm, this is no longer an early blog post and I have an hour to finish before I am two days late.

Umm... where did I leave off.. Right! Learning vicariously through the internet. Well.. that pretty much summed up my Tuesday.. sooo... on to today! (:

Wednesday: Today I took A Capella choir pictures and forgot my order form in the car. Luckily I found enough money in my backpack to buy a group shot and my best friend is getting buddy shots, so I thought I was safe. Ha.. nope. As soon as my mother gets home, she freaks. I don't think it was about the pictures though.. I think it's about the move. She has had her panties up in a bunch for the past two weeks. Bleh.. not fun, trust me.

Hmm what else happened today? Umm.. Not much else really.. huh. Well, tomorrow is picture day for Madrigals, so I should probably get some beauty sleep. Don't want to look bad in the only Mads picture I will have.. :/ Sigh..

Night Bloggers!

Break

So.. I did end up going to school, but I'm glad I did. Apparently I missed a ton Friday, so I am happy that I'm not as far behind as I could be. Also my best friends are amazing! They make me so happy. (: I really don't know what I shall do without them.
While on the topic of leaving, absolutely nothing happened moving wise. I still have a ton to pack but I didn't mess with any of that tonight.
Umm.. Fall concert tomorrow night.. Should be okay I guess.. Not much really happened.. I hope I don't end up crying in my English/History class when I tell me teachers. If I do I'm glad my 3 closest friend are with me.
Well, I have matrices to solve. Joy.. Night Bloggers.
Magpie Sandwich!!

Sickly Packer

So I kind of sorta missed school on Friday due a Fever and a stomach ache that was barely anything. Usually on my sick days I watch tv, eat soup and read. However, because we are definitely moving within the next two months, I had to start packing up my stuff. Very sad.. :(
The movers are only taking so much, so that means that I also had to consider what things I would get rid of next weekend at our garage sale. This kind of thing is not easy for me, because just about everything has some sentimental valve and if it doesn't I can usually find a reason to keep it.. I don't understand how anyone can just throw things out and sell their stuff so easily. I kind of envied those people this weekend. :/
Well I'm still not feeling the best, so I may stay home from school tomorrow too. It all depends on how my mother is feeling, and if I have a fever. I think I'm going to go take an ibuprofen or something now. It feels like someone jabbed me in the head with pencils.
I'm going to try to write something everyday, and keep you posted on the move. Keyword: try.
"There is no try only do."- yoda talking to me in my head.
Night bloggers.

When the World Stops

Have you ever had one of those moments where your whole world just stops for a moment and you can't breathe. I always thought that when this happens it was because of something good. Not this time..

I had just come home from my Mock Region Audition. Everything about the audition was perfect, it was my best ever, so naturally I was in a really great mood. Unfortunately that mood didn't last very long. I walk in the door and sit down and I hear those two words...

We're moving...

I feel like the world has just been pulled from under me. Nothing is stable and concrete anymore.. I can't breathe right and nothing is clear through my blurry vision. How am I supposed to study for my PSAT now.. How am I supposed to take that test tomorrow.

Things have just started getting close to perfect. I have been amazingly happy! My grades are great, I'm not worrying about boys, I have amazing friends, the house was just painted, my 16th is coming up, everything was perfect.

Well, I guess I was getting too happy and too comfortable.

We are moving this Christmas Break, no exceptions.. it's just a matter of where we are moving to.. Anchorage, Alaska or Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.. the only upside to this whole thing is that we get to choose.

Ugh! I hate this.. I think I'm just going to defenestrate myself out of the tallest building I can find. Sorry guys but I have to go research up on choirs and school academic profiles... maybe I will be able to see through these blurry eyes.

Well Isn't this Super....

I went over to a friends house and she ends up asking Billy Bob why he won't go out with me (not my idea). Well he said... "She's really amazing, but I don't have those kind of feelings for her.. If I did feel that way though I would date her." What the heck... is that suppose to make things better? It made me kind of upset, because I didn't really want to know in the first place.. I could have gone the longest time without actually knowing that. But Magpie! Knowing the truth will help you get over him! Ha!! Right. No, I don't think I'll get over him until I move.. if I move.. and if I don't.. well... it may be a while.

Of course I didn't say anything when I was with my friends. I pretend like it didn't bother me at all. They actually did all of the being upset for me. It was pretty amusing and I am sooo thankful for them. I asked them at one point why they were so upset with him and they told me that they wanted to physically hurt this kid because he flirted with me and lead me on only to crush me. I seriously love my friends.

After I got home though... I became upset again. Without distractions it's easier to think and naturally I think about him.. So I sent him a text saying that I was most likely moving by December. (Even though he doesn't like me like that, I'm still one of his "closest friends" and me moving would really upset him.) This whole conversation continues and he could see that I was upset somehow.. hmm... I wonder. Well then he tells me straight up that he is sorry that he doesn't like me and that he doesn't understand why I'm acting the way I am and that he hopes that I don't leave with us being not as close. After telling him that he's not the reason why I'm upset (lie), he then proceeds to ask why I was upset then. I end up telling the truth...

I tell him about how I'm just frustrated that nothing ever goes the right way, and how I am sick of pretending to smile and be happy at school and stuff, because that is what everyone expects of me, when all I want to do is cry. Then I told him how it wasn't just him.. that I have gone through something similar 7 other times in the past 5 years. He said that nobody should have to pretend to be happy and that he's sorry about all of that and that he didn't know that I went through so much. All of it was simply pity.. "If you ever need anything", "I'll help if you ever need me", "I'm so sorry." Just pity comments. He just felt sorry for me. Will he actually do anything though? Probably not.

Now I get to possibly see him tomorrow (I hope not) and then I get at least 1, if not 3 classes with him next year... WELL ISN'T THAT SUPER...

Now, after all of this crap, I just want a to be held... or I just want a good hug and I want to go to bed. I seriously have the worst headache of my life... Besides my dreams at this point are way better than reality.. Without him and that hope that he actually liked me, I am torn up inside and I'm full of pain that no one can see. At night all I can do is think about what can never be.. When I finally fall asleep, I dream of him.. I dream of his smile and the way he makes me laugh. This is the only time I am ever truly happy, because in my dreams we're not just friends, he loves me back.. I eventually wake back up though knowing that I must face the reality that he doesn't feel the same way, that the dream is just some cruel joke.

All I'm asking is for one night together, just him and me.. alone. Then if he can honestly say that he doesn't have any feelings for me after that night, then I will finally let him go. People say: What's the point in liking someone who doesn't like you back? They're right, there isn't a point. But I can't help who I like, it's not up to me. My heart just kind of decides for me and there is not turning back once your heart makes up its mind.. Besides.. to love someone when there is no chance of love ever thriving.. that is romance.

Let's just face the music here.. I can't get him out of my mind. I keep think of how much I love talking to him... How good he looks when he smiles, how much I love his laugh... I day-dream about him off and on, replaying bits and pieces of our conversation, laughing at funny things that you said or did... I've memorized your face and they way that you look at me... sometimes I catch myself smiling again at what I imagine... I wonder what will happen tomorrow, I know one thing is for sure.. He is the best and worst thing that has happened to me in a long time.

I'm moving where?!

NEWS UPDATE!!!

Okay so my dad just told me that there is a 50% chance that I will move to Anchorage, Alaska! :O That's pretty much the complete opposite of where I am now...

1. Home: Hot for the majority of the year and doesn't ever really snow Alaska: Get's REALLY cold and snows
2. Home: tons of buildings, malls, homes, parking lots, etc. Alaska: tons of trees...
3. Home: Mexicans Alaska: Eskimos
4. Home: Not much scenery... Alaska: A beautiful view just about anywhere you go
5. Home: You go to the beach and swim in pools Alaska: You go skiing and can't really swim outdoors
6. Home: Rednecks Alaska: Environmentalists

Obviously both locations have their advantages and disadvantages...
Here's how my father told me about this:
Okay, so he's picking me up from a friend's house and he was in the Mercedes. The other day I heard my mom talking to one of her friends about the car I will be driving, when I can.. I overheard her saying that her and my father were planning on selling the Mercedes and that is the car that I was supposed to get. (It's a pretty sweet car, I won't lie.) So, after getting in the car I ask my dad, "Are you guys really going to sell this car and get a truck?" (That's what they were going to get... a truck.. I do NOT like trucks and I will NOT drive one..) The conversation continued as follows...
DAD: No, where did you hear that?
ME: I heard mom talking about it.. she said that we were getting a truck.
DAD: Well, we're not going to sell the Mercedes. I do want a truck but we'll have to see.
ME: So the Mercedes will be here for awhile?
DAD: Unless we move.
ME: Yeah, but that won't be happening anytime soon. (laughs a little at the silliness of that idea)
DAD: Well.. we may be moving sooner than you think. It all depends.
ME: What?! We're moving?
DAD: It depends on which position opens up first.
ME: Where would we be moving to? Singapore? Dubai? Louisiana?
DAD: Anchorage, Alaska.
ME: What?!!? When?
DAD: Well, we'll know whether or not we're moving by December of this year.. if not sooner.
ME: What are the chances of us moving?
DAD: It's a 50/50 chance.
ME: :O
DAD: Don't tell your sisters.
ME: ................

Yeah... great.. At first I will admit that I didn't want to move at all, but well, now it seems like it would be kind of cool.. Of course I'll miss my friends and I'll miss my directors and everything else about where I live now, but come on... it's Alaska. That's pretty cool. I've already looked at the school and a few house that I wouldn't mind living in. After researching a bit and planning things out, I feel just a little bit better about the whole thing. Now I constantly have this funny feeling in my stomach because of the not knowing part.. I'm constantly anxious and nervous and it's not fun at all. I just want to know now..

Anywho... that's all that really mattered to me today.. I'll keep you posted on all of the latest developments of the possible move.